Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
