don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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