Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
