when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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