Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
