I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
