I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
