we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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