I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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