I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize