Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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