idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize