She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He shit in the fireplace
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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