Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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