i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
