Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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