Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
