Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
