I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
