So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
