A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize