dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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