Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
