Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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