Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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