Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
