I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
