Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
