she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
