i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
