I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
