I think i sorta joined a cult last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just gift wrapped bread.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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