Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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