Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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