I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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