dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize