I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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