If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
These tits shall not be calmed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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