I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
