I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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