If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
