Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize