yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
