yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
