I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
