Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
