i would punch a child for taco bell
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
