Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
