So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
