oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
