She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How naked do you want me to be?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
