thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
