Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
