he looks like a really good dad on facebook
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
