I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
