My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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