Three words: puerto rican gang bang
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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