i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
