I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
