Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I could make wine with my vomit
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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