Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I believe in your delicious
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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