how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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