tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
