Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Farmville is her only friend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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