does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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