wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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