I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I deserve this hangover.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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