you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
