there's paper in my vomit.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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