stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize