Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
