just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
